(Bahá’u’lláh, Hidden Words - Persian, 1274 ca. [1857-1858] -- BH00113)
Courtesy: the dignity of everyday encounters
courtesy; culture [adab]
Editorial introduction
Do not enter a friend’s house except at his pleasure. Courtesy begins with that small act of restraint and grows, in Bahá’u’lláh’s words, into a raiment that fits all people, young or old, and the prince of virtues; without it a person is naked though dressed in all the silk of the earth. It is never a surface alone. Truthfulness, trustworthiness, justice and forbearance are its constant companions, so that respect for another’s dignity is also honesty toward them. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá shows the quality in motion: welcoming a workman with a smile, telling the friends to treat prominent strangers with perfect dignity, counselling gentleness and moderation, refusing to be rude to any human being. A Bedouin host who spreads his only carpet for a guest, a letter of thanks, a difficult debt and a delicate relationship show how differently the same respect can be expressed. Confucius’s question about ritual propriety in a person lacking humane virtue tests outward form by inner character from another tradition [1]. The way continues into hospitality, into wisdom as the companion of speech, and into the refinement that makes outward life beautiful.
Selected passages
Say: Beware lest ye enter anyone's house except with his permission, and beware lest ye pride yourselves over any of My servants by reason of what ye have been given of the ornaments of the earth.
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1290 [1873] or earlier, to Aqa Siyyid Husayn -- BH03725)
(Bahá’u’lláh, Lawh-i-Ibn-i-Dhi'b (Epistle to the Son of the Wolf), 1308 ? [1891], to Muhammad Taqi Isfahani (son of the Wolf) -- BH00005)
(Bahá’u’lláh, Lawh-i-Dunya (Tablet of the World), 1308 ? [1890-1891], to Mirza Siyyid Muhammad Afnan (known as Aqa Mirza Aqa Nurud-Din) -- BH00238)
(Bahá’u’lláh, Kitab-i-Aqdas (The Most Holy Book), 1290-05-15 [1873-Jul-11] -- BH00001)
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1290 [1873] or earlier, to Mulla Muhammad Zarandi (Nabil-i-Azam) -- BH00846)
O My loved ones! Adorn your tongues with truthfulness, and your hands with generosity, and your bodies with dignity, and your souls with courtesy, and your hearts with My love and then with My exalted remembrance.
(Bahá’u’lláh -- BH11527)
O people of Baha! Adorn your temples with the ornament of trustworthiness and courtesy, and your heads with the crown of truthfulness and wisdom.
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1290 [1873] or earlier, to Mir Muhammad Bayk -- BH09100)
O, `Ali, assist your Lord by your conduct and character. This is worthy of those who cling to this Strong Cord. Adorn your bodies with the robe of courtesy, and your hearts with mention of Me, the Almighty, the Incomparable.
(Bahá’u’lláh, ca. 1289-1290?, to Ali Askar -- BH10656)
Courtesy is a characteristic of man and is acceptable before God. Beseech ye God not to deprive His servants of this blessed and luminous adorning.
(Bahá’u’lláh, to Mirza Ali Muhammad Yazdi (Varqa) -- BH01422)
Strip not yourselves of the robe of propriety and fairness, and speak not that which ye have been forbidden in the Tablets of your Lord, the All-Compelling, the Self-Subsisting. He who is deprived of propriety is naked, though he be clothed in all the silk of the earth. This hath been sent down in truth in preserved Tablets of glory. He who hath no propriety hath no faith, as testifieth that which was revealed in the Bayan, if ye would but witness it.
(Bahá’u’lláh, Kitab-i-Badi', 1283 ca. [1866-1867], to Aqa Mirza Mihdi Rashti -- BH00004)
(Bahá’u’lláh, Lawh-i-Ra'is, late 1868, to Aali Pasha -- BH00269)
O Mihraban! In this Baha'i Dispensation, kindness, mercy and loving-kindness are among the fundamental principles of the divine teachings. Be good-natured and cheerful, sweet-scented and attractive, truthful in speech - these are the requirements of kindness.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Mihraban Bahram Ushturi -- AB09532)
As much as you can, be a source of joy and delight and a manifestation of the mercy of the All-Merciful.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1900 or <, to Ali Muhammad Khan Tabib -- AB00957)
A cheerful countenance lends consolation to the beholder.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken on 1914-Feb-16 -- ABU3633)
A workman who had left his bag of tools in the hall was welcomed with smiling kindness by 'Abdu'l-Baha. With a look of sadness the man said: "I don't know much about religious things, as I have no time for anything but my work."
"That is well. Very well.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken at 97 Cadogan Gardens, ca. Sep. 1911 -- ABU3536)
Is it possible for someone to arrive and not be treated with kindness? You yourself know that in all cases it is fitting to act with kindness, not unkindness.
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1306-11 [1889-Jun], to Muhammad Ali Isfahani -- BH00479)
I hope that you may always be a sign of divine favors to wayfarers and that all peoples and religions may be utterly grateful and pleased with your good conduct.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1913 ca., to Patrolman of Dilijans between Rasht and Qazvin -- AB04959)
Everyone who reached his guesthouse and came here and met him opened their tongue in praise, saying that that cultured soul has a sweet melody and an attractive manner with both friend and stranger, showing kindness to everyone and rendering service.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Baha'is of Poona -- AB05684)
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1921-Jul-22, to Muhammad Husayn Vakil -- AB10395)
Show utmost consideration to the American friends when they arrive in those parts and convey greetings to the friends of God.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Mirza Siyyid Muhammad Afnan (Aqa Mirza Aqa Nurud-Din) -- AB01358)
The friends must show them utmost love, kindness, service and goodwill when they arrive, and quickly write letters of recommendation for them to the friends wherever they go.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1910 ca., to Baha'is of Tihran et al -- AB06412)
Write to Anzali, Rasht, Qazvin and Tehran that the friends should show them the utmost consideration and respect.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Husayn Mulla Ali -- AB08632)
Most esteemed one! His Honor, the respected Khalil Bey has now arrived. We await your august presence, together with Mahmud Bey Effendi and His Honor the Judge, to ascend to the hotel above. It would be most excellent if you could grace us with your presence at your earliest convenience.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá -- AB12090)
As soon as the Bedouin Arab hears the clatter of the hoofs of a horse he comes out of his tent, thinking that a guest is in sight. Then he welcomes him with a cheerful countenance, brings out the only carpet he has, spreads it under his feet, orders his wife to prepare coffee and his servant to kill a mutton. Then he goes around and invites all his Bedouin friends to dinner, giving them the good news that he is honoured in thus having a guest in his tent. Their conception of hospitality is so unique that if the guest either by accident or by purpose kills the son of host and takes refuge under the latter's tent he will be protected and his crime forgiven.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken on 1913-Oct-25 in Ramleh -- ABU1495)
I beseech God that day by day they may increase in this firmness and steadfastness and walk this path in such wise that they may attract both the master and servant, and deal with both friend and stranger with the utmost kindness, truthfulness and friendship.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1906 ca., to Muhammad Baqir Ha'i -- AB03212)
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1910-Apr-20, to Ali Akbar Nakhjavani -- AB01317)
It behooves ones like yourself to deal with all souls with kindness and consideration.
… Regarding deeds, give counsel with kindness as 'Abdu'l-Baha has written, not with force, intensity and harshness, for harshness and intensity never yield fruit but rather have the opposite effect.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1902-Sep-29, to Mirza Husayn brother of Ali Muhammad Varqa -- AB01449)
O brother, be honey and sugar sweet, and sweeten dispositions to the extent possible. Forbearance is necessary, lest any dust settle on a heart or any soul be hurt. Then all effort would be fruitless. If counsel is given with perfect gentleness and kindness and utmost humility and goodwill, it will have a mighty effect.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1901 or <, to Mirza Husayn brother of Ali Muhammad Varqa -- AB01050)
Certainly with courtesy, love and kindness the other party will listen and will not become preoccupied with formulating responses and creating arguments, but will acknowledge the point.
(Bahá’u’lláh, Words of Baha'u'llah to Haji Mirza Haydar 'Ali -- BHU0010)
Good conduct and sweet speech can influence even the hardest stone, and it is certain that thou hast carried out and will continue to carry out this matter.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1904 ca., to Haji Niyaz Kirmani -- AB05203)
Speak with utmost patience and gentleness.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Ibn-i-Abhar -- AB02408)
Do not hurt anyone's feelings and do not utter an unkind word. If you observe human virtues and godly conduct in someone, praise them; otherwise maintain silence.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1908-Aug-18, to Siyyid Muhammad Rida -- AB01691)
You must be very moderate. Consider the taste of the public. This is the best policy. Moderation, moderation. You must speak and write in such a manner as not to offend anyone. The Lord addressed Moses and Aaron saying: When you go to Pharaoh, speak in a moderate, sweet language.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words to Latimer, Remey et al, spoken in Oct. 1914 -- ABU3237)
On the other hand, if ye have a bad message or news for a certain person, show ye no haste in conveying it, and trouble not the heart of the concerned individual.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken on 1913-May-19 in Paris -- ABU2761)
O faithful servant of the Beauty of Abha!
The perfumed letter from that longtime friend was in the utmost eloquence, fluency and brevity. A letter should be thus - few in words but rich in meaning, eloquent in meaning, fluent in expression, concise and beneficial.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1902 ca., to Mirza Aqa Tihrani -- AB06101)
Some time ago your missive arrived and bestowed its portion upon the eye, heart, ear and breast, each according to its capacity. God bless your honor!
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1301-07-22 [1884-May-18], to Zaynul-Muqarrabin -- BH04613)
O thou whom God hath educated and perfected in courtesy!
That which was inscribed by the pen of the love of God upon the page of writing was noted.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Mirza Muhammad Hasan Adib -- AB12163)
Should anyone desire to speak, he must do it with the utmost courtesy and with perfect eloquence and fluency by the consent and permission of the people of the assembly.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá -- AB07821)
Whenever they see that a capability is created, they may speak with wisdom and deference and utter the words with dignity and kindness.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1913-Nov ca. -- AB04213)
As this place is a summer resort and many prominent people are present, therefore, unless they should themselves ask, the friends should not teach openly. They must deal with them with perfect dignity and honor.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words to the Master's entourage, spoken on 1912-Jul-25 -- ABU2745)
One's sitting and rising, speech and conversation, social intercourse and communication should be based upon a firm foundation and be conducive to the glory of the world of humanity.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken on 1913-Sep-04 in Ramleh -- ABU2960)
There are so many people who let the opportunity slip and of their hands on account of the slowness of their minds and bodies. Train yourselves to be always [on] time no matter where you are. Be punctual.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words to some friends, spoken on 1914-Dec-19 -- ABU2939)
Walk thou in utmost dignity and composure.
(Bahá’u’lláh, to Gawhar Khanum wife of Baha'u'llah -- BH05778)
We must adorn our temples with extreme politeness. We must not be rude to any human being.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken at Baltimore Hotel in Paris, 1913-May-16 -- ABU1005)
As for Jinab-i-Za'im, whenever thou meetest him, show courtesy - neither aversion nor attachment, neither familiarity nor estrangement. For if thou seekest friendship, he will say thou art engaging in flattery, and if thou completely avoid him, he will say there is enmity. Yet we harbor no ill will toward anyone, and were it not for causing misunderstanding, we would even have assisted in the composition and publication of the "Bab al-Abwab."
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1907-Feb-28, to Aqa Mirza Ali Muhammad (Egypt) -- AB01908)
Regarding Shaykh'ur-Ra'is, the friends must remain quiet and silent and, in accordance with the divine texts, act with the utmost spiritual courtesy.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1908-Dec or <, to Spiritual Assembly of Tihran -- AB02789)
If they respond, God will illumine their faces, and if they refuse, leave them to themselves and never move your tongue to mention them. Every soul knows its own salvation, and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. Leave them, leave them, and practice moderation and gentleness.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1896 or <, to Muhammad Mustafa Baghdadi -- AB06702)
But the loved ones must adopt a manner and conduct that attracts hearts, not causes souls to flee. They must be gentle and forbearing, patient and tolerant, and deal with all souls - whether righteous or wicked - with kindness and courtesy. They must show tolerance and be benevolent.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá -- AB06169)
In any case, act in such a way that he too becomes satisfied with you. Then the expansiveness of your character will become evident and clear.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Mirza Ali Ashraf Lahijani Andalib -- AB04417)
Your letter was received. You had mentioned your request regarding the promissory note for 1500 tumans that you hold. If this is the case, it is certain that that person will treat you with the utmost deference and good conduct and will pay your debt with perfect contentment, for he has good conduct. And surely you will be confirmed in good conduct. In this case, no disagreement will remain between you and him. I am advising them not to be remiss in any way.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1914 ca., to Haji Muhammad Ali Shirazi -- AB09055)
Meet with His Excellency the Ambassador with utmost courtesy so that they may arise to fulfill what they have mentioned and return may be possible with perfect love.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1893 ca., to Shaykh -- AB03055)
Most great minister, most mighty and noble ambassador, may your prosperity endure, I wish to mention that a petition was written and that, at the time it was sent, your excellency's second letter brought joy to the hearts of these withered souls.
… We hope that God may increase your excellency's life, prosperity, and glory at all times. I am most ashamed to have put your excellency to such trouble.
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1285 ca. [1868-1869], to Artur Comte de Gobineau -- BH07042)
And regarding what you had written about the tea that was sent causing embarrassment to that beloved one - that honor should never have any thought about such matters that might cause the slightest sadness to the heart, for it has been and is very clear that that honor exercises the utmost care and consideration in all related matters, and desires that whatever is most exalted and glorious of everything should be present, and none who looks with the eye of justice can deny this.
(Bahá’u’lláh -- BH02476)
And if you desire to associate with the great and mighty ones, adorn yourself with knowledge and wisdom and with the refinements they possess.
(Bahá’u’lláh, to Ali -- BH10178)
As for the rest, you must strongly urge his honor Mirza Muhammad Hadi - may God illumine his countenance - to remain preserved from the attributes and tongue of those people, meaning his speech should remain preserved from the accent [of Beg] and others, and in writing and knowledge they should certainly strive.
(Bahá’u’lláh, to Ahmad known as Baba -- BH02211)
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, 1911 ca., to Najjar, Ustad Ibrahim brother of Ustad Isma'il -- AB00824)
The friends of God must, in every case, be the manifestation of perfection and be at the height of training and refinement.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, to Muhammad Ali Khan Baha'i -- AB02210)
The people of Iran had no educator and reached maturity without training. Therefore their badge and garment have been and continue to be ignorance and discourtesy. Say: O people! The first ornament for the temple of man is courtesy. Hold fast unto it and be not of the heedless ones.
(Bahá’u’lláh, 1305 ? [1887-1888], to Ibn-i-Abhar et al -- BH04772)
The Master: "O my daughter, you say that the unity of religion is not to be demonstrated and demanded as a necessity, on the contrary, you Occidentals say that people are so fundamentally different as to race, origin, heredity, cultural level, life-style, era, domicile, sex, that in this is already to be found the historic, scientific reason for the multiplicity of religious needs. O my daughter, these are pretexts! What is religion?
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Words spoken on 11 Jun 1910 -- ABU1484)
Further quotations · supplied wording and references
Courtesy, reverence, dignity, respect for the rank and achievements of others are virtues which contribute to the harmony and well-being of every community, but pride and self-aggrandisement are among the most deadly of sins.
LG#1097 (27 Mar. 1978 from the Universal House of Justice)
Continue exploring
For thought and discussion
Questions to carry forward
- Which small acts in these passages make another person’s dignity tangible?
- How do truthfulness, justice, and trustworthiness change the meaning of courtesy?
- What distinguishes gentle counsel from flattery or avoidance of a difficult truth?
- How might courtesy take different forms when welcoming a stranger, resolving a debt, or speaking in a gathering?
- How does Confucius’s question about humane virtue and ritual illuminate the relationship between inner character and outward form?
- What can be learned from the particular letters while remaining attentive to their cultural and historical settings?