Humor: affection, perspective, and the art of laughter

"'The proper spirit,' said Abdul-Baha in his quaint way to the enquirer, 'in which to visit places hallowed by remembrances of Christ, is one of constant communion with God. Love for God will be the telegraph wire, one end of which is in the Kingdom of the Spirit, and the other in your heart.'

"'I am afraid my telegraph wire is broken,' the enquirer replied.

"'Then you will have to use wireless telegraphy,' I told him," said Abdul-Baha, laughing heartily.

The Word of God, even if limited to a single word, cannot be equaled by all the books of the world. Grieve not that We have made this Tablet brief, for within it can be seen a mighty Book. This is a Tablet that hath been mixed with the salt of God. When thou hast tasted it and discovered its savor, arise and say: Praise be unto Thee, O God of the worlds! Marvel not if We jest in prison, for sorrows have never overtaken Us in the path of thy Lord, and We are in wondrous joy.

It is necessary to joke now and then. Joking is the salt of conversation.

Abdul Baha: Sometimes joking is necessary. Otherwise we would get depressed. The Blessed Beauty said, 'In every twenty-four hours, two hours must be spent in a way that will cause happiness.'

Indeed, what wondrous power lies concealed in these hosts! Verily it has and shall ever surpass the power of the world. According to what is heard, His Holiness the Prophet (may our souls be a sacrifice for His sake) was fond of jest. Therefore if anything of this nature appears from these servants in such contexts, there is no harm in it.

One day at luncheon Abdu'l-Baha asked us if we were glad to be at Akka and if we were happy. We answered that we were very happy to be there with Him but that when we thought of our faults we were unhappy. He replied emphatically, "Think not of yourselves, but think of the Bounty of God. This will always make you happy." Then He smilingly referred to the Arabic saying regarding the peacock, that "He is contented because he never looks at his feet--which are very ugly--but always at his plumage which is very beautiful."

He laughed and, still laughing, said: "Assuredly, give to the poor. If you give them only words, when they put their hands into their pockets after you have gone, they will find themselves none the richer for you!"

That bloodthirsty Jamal [Pasha] came to 'Akka and Haifa several times and inquired about 'Abdu'l-Baha, but I was either at the Most Exalted Spot or at the Sacred Threshold of the Blessed Beauty and did not wish to meet with him. Later it was observed that this would increase animosity. One night he was at the German hospice on Mount Carmel and arranged to meet me along with the governor of 'Akka. The governor came and conveyed the invitation. We went together, and when we sat down with the German consul present, without any preamble he suddenly said there are two types of troublemakers - political and religious troublemakers. In Ottoman terms this word means those who cause corruption, who stir up sedition and overthrow governments and religions. Since Jamal Pasha himself and his associates had overthrown the Ottoman government, I realized that only humor would be appropriate. I said "Praise be to God that no harm came from the political corruptors - God willing no harm will come from the religious corruptors either." He laughed heartily and said in Turkish "That's right!"

Jamal Pasha was a mountain of pride. Wherever he went, he would set up gallows and hang whoever he wished, and plunder whatever he desired. When he came to Akka and requested to meet me, I rode on a donkey to his house. As soon as he saw me, he welcomed me and seated me beside him. Without preamble he said, "You are a corrupter of religion, and for this reason the Iranian government exiled you here." When I looked at him, I saw him in a state of intoxication with fire blazing from his eyes, and if he had an iron chain in his hand he would have broken it. I thought that since he is Turkish, I should give him an amusing and silencing answer. I said, "Yes, there are two types of corrupters - political corrupters and religious corrupters. Thank God, until now no harm has come from the political corrupter" (and with my hand I gestured to him, as he was known as a political corrupter in the days of Sultan Abdul-Hamid) "and God willing, no harm will come from this religious corrupter either." Jamal Pasha laughed and said "By God, that's true!"

He asked who established the German Colony in Haifa. I said, "The grandfather of this German consul established a religious movement anticipating the second coming of Christ and built this colony so they could meet Christ when He appeared." Jamal Pasha said angrily, "If he were here, I would show him!" He asked what caused Turkey's weakness. I said it was due to the existence of different religions. He asked what the remedy was. I said, "All the religious leaders of the Ottoman and Islamic sects should gather in Istanbul and discuss agreement and unity on one religion." He said "By God, that's true!"

After that, the effect of this meeting and conversation was evident in Jamal Pasha's countenance and he became favorably inclined toward me. In his pride and madness he said, "I am now going to conquer Egypt and throw the enemies into the Suez Canal. When I return, I will take you with me to Istanbul so you can confer with the religious leaders, for I know no one more worthy than you for this." In his pride and madness, before arriving in Haifa he had telegraphed the governor without informing his companions. The governor had prepared food for forty or fifty people, but he arrived with four hundred people and made an uproar demanding food be prepared quickly for everyone. The poor man managed to provide it by midnight.

When Jamal Pasha went to Akka the first time, he asked for me but I did not want to meet him. On his second journey he asked again and I did not meet him. On his third journey, I accepted through the governor's mediation and went to meet him.

Later Jamal Pasha went to Jerusalem where, due to petitions and fabrications from enemies and Covenant-breakers and the interrogator Yasin, he developed great enmity. He told them that after conquering Egypt and returning victorious, he would hang me. Mockingly he would say that Abdul-Baha was among those who desired their own death and crucifixion, and that he would fulfill his wish.

After that, the German consul came to me expressing sorrow, saying that he intended to crucify me after returning. I said "Don't be sad, it's very good - but conditional." He asked what the condition was. I said if he conquers Egypt and drowns the British in the Suez Canal, I have no objection and will give him my blood. Two days had not passed when the consul came saying "It's strange - Jamal Pasha's telegram arrived from Beersheba while he's supposed to be fighting at the Canal." I said "This is simple - at the first attack from the British forces, they fled to Beersheba in their automobiles." And after that Jamal Pasha was brought to ruin.

The ignorant always sees the present state while the wise looks to the future. I had no reproach for Jamal Pasha as I could see his end.

His holiness Baha'u'llah had a beautiful habit which was kept up till the last years of His Life. Every evening after having partaken of his dinner he would retire inside of His mosquito-net and then send for all the members of the Blessed Household to gather around and converse with him. This delightful nightly gathering of the family before sleep was an essential feature of the spiritual system of education fostered and upheld by the Blessed Perfection.

Generally the meeting lasted one hour during which time he exhorted his hearers and tried to teach them in manifold ways, relating stories, uttering pithy remarks, cracking jokes and expressing truths laconically.

There is some wood that is very dry; it catches fire quickly and burns well. There is other wood that is so wet that it will not burn even though you should try for a whole day. There is no result but smoke. It will not blaze, it will not keep anyone warm; it will not even cook anything! As he said the latter he smiled.

But when Ruha Khanum translated it, Cora laughed out loud. That seemed to delight the Master, for he laughed very heartily with the most unaffected enjoyment.

I have set aside my work and undertaken to write this letter.

The rule is that letters are issued to those who are absent - one does not write to someone who is present, unless you say "Though present, I am absent," as Sheikh Hafiz says: "I see you clearly yet send you greetings." This statement is by way of humor, otherwise whatever brings joy to the friends is 'Abdu'l-Baha's utmost desire.

Although for some time you have become my partner and companion, and fallen victim to the aggression of every oppressor, do not grieve and seek not sorrow. I hope that this lowest point of obscurity will be transformed to the heights of acceptance, and the means of joy and gladness will be made ready.

Although the spiritual friends experience continuous and sustained divine joy, if spiritual and physical happiness are joined together it becomes joy upon joy and light upon light. Surely it will become better and more pleasant and more attractive and more satisfying and sweeter. I jest so that you may laugh and be pleased.

Do not grieve, do not be troubled. I am your companion and, God willing, kind to you.

If you show any laxity it will be upon my neck, and if you commit any shortcoming I will be accused, for we are united in condition and partnership in all circumstances. For in these days affairs are confused - a companion is held accountable for his companion's offense.

In any case, this was in jest. The point is that I am saddened by your sadness.

In any case, I recalled your tribulations and remembered your calamities and afflictions. I hope that these tribulations and ordeals may become divine bounties and gifts, and that this oppression and tyranny may become the cause of the aid and favor of the Ancient Beauty. Since this is so, God willing, those beatings and whippings with sticks and clubs are blessed. Even jest is sometimes necessary to change one's mood, especially remembering the friends which brings delight and joy to heart and soul, and bestows expansion and gladness.

Indeed during this journey you have endured many hardships. No matter, it will pass. As the poet says, "This time will pass, and afterward you will know the value of wellbeing," for companionship with the nightingale and peacock has a different sweetness after being afflicted with the company of the ill-omened crow. Soon you will find deliverance, but if God assists, you have no choice but to flee. Anyway, these were jokes.

O Hakim! It is pleasant to joke with you and brings joy. From the ruins of a house of unbaked clay that remained, you gave that away too. Now neither nest nor dwelling remains. You have become a pure gambler. Now rest. They say pure gambling is life-gambling and the ultimate in gambling. Praise be to God that in this field you are the confidant and intimate of 'Abdu'l-Baha. When two paupers sing the same tune, it makes God laugh.

O companion in poverty! When you beat the drum of poverty, I, due to the conditions of friendship and pledges of affection, played its trumpet. Now that you have held a celebration and feast and arranged a banquet of joy, you made no mention of us and did not observe the custom of friendship - no sherbet, no sweets, no rock candy, no honey, no hearing of melodies and music, no sound of song and shahnaz, no witnessing of festive customs, no presence at merriment and delight. This is neither fair nor chivalrous. Either quickly send us our share of the sweets from the celebration and feast, or I will break off our friendship in poverty.

These are jokes.

O you who are firm in the Covenant!

According to the indications and glad tidings of the honored ladies, God has bestowed upon you a noble son who is of utmost beauty and grace, that is, he is second to your other one of sacred titles. Therefore this verse should be read: "May the evil eye be far from you, O you of wondrous beauty!" I jest to bring joy.

The available source contains an omission or incomplete wording; sentence boundaries need review.

O servant of the Abha Beauty! You are cherished in this court and accepted and near at the Divine Threshold, and full of culture and distinction, for you are the remembrance of the late Haji and the memorial of Jinab-i-Aqa Siyyid Muhsin the forgiven - both grandfathers were accepted and near in the Most Holy Court. In jest it is written:

This noble one bears the mark of two persons

From Afrasiyab and from Kay Kavus

This servant had the utmost heart attachment in Iraq with those two servants of the Luminary of the horizons.

The available source contains an omission or incomplete wording; sentence boundaries need review.

Now your son, the descendant of Nabil, Jinab-i-Aqa Mehdi is present and is a true witness to this claim. He certainly has knowledge and awareness, and now he smiles and laughs sweetly, saying in his heart that although father is old, he is accomplished and capable of mounting and dismounting on sea and land.

Now he will come to you with two eyes like languid narcissus - don't say eyes, say two flasks of pure wine! Don't say hair, say a lock of ambergris! Though he has left no trace of the ambergris with scissors, perhaps fearing whiteness would show, for he has pulled out the roots of his beard. It's not apparent - that is, he has become young. He was weak but has become strong, and like a ball rolls in the field of joy.

Now with teeth removed, he has taken in his mouth a new string of pearls lined up like a row of soldiers. Its adornment exceeds the defeated first force, and its order and arrangement is more attractive. However, since this new force consists of foreigners and strangers, they are not as obedient and compliant as the previous native and familiar force. Sometimes they arrange battle lines at the borders and create havoc, plundering the tablecloth and feast. Sometimes they cause corruption in the realm of the mouth itself and produce burning inflammation. When their sedition increases and their rebellion and revolt grows, there is no choice but to expel this foreign force from the territory.

O Mahdi! The day is done and the sun is setting, and the pen of 'Abdu'l-Baha has been bowing and prostrating since morning until now. Now it gives another reply and swears that if it were an Arabian steed or a Turkmen horse, it would have collapsed by now and would not have lifted its head from prostration. For God's sake, leave me be or I shall weep bitterly.

I say "O Pen! This is Aqa Mirza Mahdi Yazdi and his heart is very dear to 'Abdu'l-Baha. Fear God! Do not falter! Submit your head! Make this page the envy of the Garden of Iram! Express longing! Make manifest the token of love! Write a little! Describe somewhat! Then do whatever you wish - or else I shall make you gallop under the lash of the whip until dawn, and make your flesh and bones an offering of self-sacrifice!"

When the pen heard the severity of this address, in a broken, weary and restless state it began to stir and galloped to the end of the page. This is the story of 'Abdu'l-Baha at sunset from the horizon of the world.

O true friends and divine handmaidens! Mr. Furugh has nobly named each of you in his letter and requested a special message and designated tablet for each individual among you. But what can be done, as this servant is compelled not to fulfill his request and desire. Although the Most Great Unity has free will, He states "God does not burden any soul beyond its capacity." And since Mr. Furugh is subject to powerlessness, therefore he should not require what is impossible. This is written in jest, otherwise in the realm of heart and soul, a detailed letter is inscribed to each of you and recorded and preserved in the Preserved Tablet.

O friends and handmaidens of the Merciful! The Most Great Unity has illumined the horizon of the world with the light of love and has laid the foundation of the Most Great House upon kindness and faithfulness, so that the lovers of His countenance may raise up a spiritual passion and ecstasy and a divine melody and heavenly song and music at the pole of possibility, and become the cause of illumination of this dark and narrow world. They should demolish the edifice of hatred and enmity and establish the foundation of grace and benevolence. They should become sweeter than pure honey through the utmost love and harmony with all peoples and nations, and become like refreshing water through perfect truthfulness and sincerity with all religions - that is, they should be the cause of life and the guide to salvation. Even if an enemy be an idol-worshipper, they should become shamans, and if an ill-wisher be a black snake, they should become loving charmers. They should not hurt any heart nor cause pain to any soul. This is among the gifts of your Lord, the Merciful, in this wondrous Cycle and new Age.

'Abdu'l-Baha offers prayer night and day at the threshold of the Self-Sufficient and seeks progress and soaring for the friends, so that the means of earthly and heavenly dominion may be gathered together and the outpourings of the divine realm be bestowed. May the world of creation be adorned and may the pearl of the friends' existence become the ornament of the world of being. May they become nightingales in the rose garden of unity and raise up the song of sanctification from realities and meanings. May they strike up such a melody that its fame spreads throughout the world and sing such a song that moves the kingdom of creation. This befits the friends of God and handmaidens of the Merciful. I beseech God to assist you in this. And upon you be the Most Glorious Glory.

I said, "O Ustad, one must not abandon fairness. Given all these trials and corruption from the envious ones, and the outcry of the antagonists, and limitless occupations and tribulations, how can I write individual letters to each of my beloved friends? Be fair!" Finally, through forceful persuasion he agreed to one letter. But God also helped, otherwise the Ustad is Turkish and strong, and would not have left the field with these excuses.

His honor Aqa Muhammad Hashim - Aqa Mahdi is now present and waiting like an unrelenting creditor or government collector, requesting that this letter be written. Although I have endless preoccupations, but mercy, mercy from the collector of Kashan, not Azerbaijan - for those [Azerbaijani collectors] speak a word or two of harsh Turkish and then give respite, but this collector makes his request gently and softly, yet persistently and without pause. Sometimes he makes his request verbally, sometimes with a glance, sometimes face-to-face, sometimes with the corner of an eyebrow, sometimes with heart's attention, sometimes with the spirit's lament, sometimes with a flirtatious look, sometimes with coquetry, sometimes with grace, sometimes with supplication, sometimes with secrets. In any case, he compelled us to work until this servant wrote this letter.

So observe how dear you are to Aqa Mahdi, and how sweet your remembrance is to the taste of this servant, that despite several excuses, I undertook to write this letter sweet as candy. Therefore you too must devote your efforts to serving the friends, and day and night gird up your loins in service to them. Become the lowliest servant to the servants of the Blessed Beauty, may my spirit be sacrificed for His servants, so that you may attain the glory of all kings and monarchs.

In any case, these days the Turkish debt collector, that is, Ibn-i-Abhar, has also arrived. During these days he has made several demands. With this collector, resistance is truly difficult. The great Qa'im-Maqam complained about the Qajar debt collector and was forced to pay, but he had no knowledge of the Turkish collector and his powerful arguments. For now, they have given some respite regarding this letter, until we see what happens.

O refined and distinguished person! Two days ago a letter was written to you, but Jinab-i-Amin's letter has just now arrived and he has requested a new writing. What can be done? There is a famous saying: "One must give to the Qajar collector." This is a joke, but since all of Jinab-i-Amin's requests spring from sincerity in the Manifest Light, therefore I too, even if briefly, must accept.

O chanter of verses in the gatherings of salvation!

His honor Aqa Mirza 'Ali-Akbar is now seated with the utmost strength, steadfastness and dignity, and with perfect eloquence and fluency says that Ibn-i-Abhar has promised a letter to Khoy. I too, in truth, felt embarrassed and saw no alternative but to take up the pen and begin writing, for he is from Azerbaijan and I am from Mazandaran or Nur and Tehran. How else can I escape from him, and if I flee from his grasp what shall I do about Ibn-i-Abhar, for he too is a Turk, and with Turks one cannot contend - one must mix with them. The poet says: "What remedy is there except submission and acceptance?"

These mentions are in jest and metaphor, but the truth is that you are very dear in this gathering and most respected in this assembly, for you chant the verses and recite the prayers, and in truth its influence pervades all directions.

And the Glory be upon you and upon all who are firm in the Covenant.

O Haji-i-Naji! Each day, by some device, you exact from me a toll and a tribute. One day you make a dear friend the pretext and demand an overflowing cup. Another day you make a kind friend the means and seek a perfumed, musk-scented letter, and so on and so forth. And your pretext is that one must find some way into the heart of a friend by any means possible.

And beyond this, if you knew what upheaval is occurring, you would be content with a mere word for a lifetime. Despite this, your allowance and stipend has been paid in full and complete. Say nothing and do not reveal it, for the allowances and stipends of others have been greatly delayed, and this Pen has become like the treasury of the Ottomans and Persians - from the abundance of allowances and stipends it has beaten the drum of bankruptcy. I have no recourse except to refer all allowances and stipends to the Abha Kingdom, for that treasury is an inexhaustible treasure.

And the rapid speech of Jinab-i-Furughi proceeded to enumerate names, and like a swift desert steed galloped forth into the field. I quickly took hold of the reins, otherwise the treasures of names would have been exhausted and the steed of Jinab-i-Furughi would not have ceased its prancing, and this page would have become an entire book of names without any stories or addresses or complaints or reproaches or thanksgiving or praise or counsel or guidance accompanying the names.

O servant of Rida! A response was previously written and sent. Now another is being written, for the heat has not been relieved by cooling - there is no remedy except warming, that perchance thereby relief may be obtained. Although relief may bring lethargy and increase rigidity, nevertheless this pen is sugar-dropping, candy-scattering and honey-mixing, for sweets are among the warming things, not the cooling ones. And upon thee be Glory.

O sighing bird! The moaning and groaning, the sighs and lamentations of the nightingales are acceptable, beloved and pleasing - that is why the response is delayed due to lack of time, so that you may come to sighs and cries, and sing with your wonderful melodies in the rose garden.

We beseech God to assist thee in thy first and last matters, to sanctify thee from whatsoever is unworthy of thy relation to Him, and to grant thee the bounty of attaining His presence. He, verily, is the Powerful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise. Thou hast found a scribe swifter than a steed, who mentioneth therein neither "if" nor "would that", but recordeth what occureth to mind and what occureth not.

It has reached to such a point that if some of the friends want to cough or sneeze they write me to do for them; thinking it is too much trouble. I have repeatedly written that any realizable plan which has for its aim the spread of the Cause is favourable.

Everyone desires that I may free him out of his perplexities and lighten his work: but no one yet has written to me that I have heard you are too busy, may I be of some service to you; may I come and lighten your load?

This Mirza Ahmad had become the 'recorder of my deeds.' No sooner I open my mouth then he takes out his note-book. If I make a joke, it will be spread all over Europe. If I smite on the face of Abul Gasem, all America will come to know about it. He writes in his note-book that on such and such day, and such and such an hour 'Abdu'l-Baha laughed. What can I do with him?

He used to have difficulties with the American and European women because of their numerous questions and persistence. Some of these ladies said, "We went there and knocked at his door. We heard no answer. We persisted in knocking, knowing that he was in. We knocked and we knocked. And finally, he said in English, 'Abul-Fazl not here.'" The ladies said, "We were convulsed with laughter. He himself, from the inside, laughed too. And then we departed."

J. E.: You didn't insist yourself, but you sent the Sheikh to do it.

Abdul Baha (laughing): You said right. Bravo, bravo (Aferin, Aferin): A young man when he wishes something from the father states his wish with the utmost politeness, but a little child cries, snatches, kicks, and takes what he wants.

O servant of the loved ones of God! O usurper of this servant of Baha's right! For service to the friends and servitude to the loved ones is the eternal station and everlasting mission of this servant, yet you have usurped my station and move and walk about with perfect boldness.

Fear God! This is my robe - why have you put it on? This crown is my crown - why have you placed it on your head?

O 'Abdu'l-Husayn! I could find no title sweeter, more pleasant and more attractive than this with which to address you, for this name signifies servitude to the Blessed Beauty. You are 'Abdu'l-Husayn (Servant of Husayn), and the light of both eyes, and accepted and adorned - what more could you want if you succeed in living up to it? For there is nothing in the world of existence more acceptable, more beloved and more renowned than servitude to the Blessed Beauty, and this name indicates that.

If you wish to make mention of this servant, write: dust of the Sacred Threshold, servant at the court of the One, self-effaced in servitude, wanderer in the wilderness of the love of God, lost in the desert of divine love, intoxicated with the wine of God's love, attracted to the lights of the Absolute Beauty - things of this nature. Anything less than this is absolutely unacceptable. If you were here, I would give you quite a beating!

Either compose and send a ghazal or ode in pure servitude, utter lowliness, complete effacement, and total humility and contrition before this servant, to make up for past offenses and compensate for the excesses, or - though I have never issued a fatwa until now - this time I shall decree that one should seize your head and another your body, one strike with a club and another with a mace, and bring you here running and dragging in bewilderment. And by God, upon arrival you will bow your head to the ground, your feet will be raised high, and you will receive such a severe beating with a stick that henceforth you will forget all obscurity, exaggeration and excess. So choose for yourself what you prefer!

What a strange plot!

And his honor knows this too - that when it comes to retribution and the rod and whip appear, you will immediately forgive your right and he will be freed from retribution, but the pilgrimage to the Holy Shrine will have been achieved. In this case you win whether it comes up even or odd - his honor Haji will triumph and seize the spoils.

Sometimes he says that since father is constantly traveling and has no fixed abode, therefore he does not send any written pages, and sometimes he says he has grown somewhat lazy and settled down with his loving mother.

… And he says fear God and dread Azrael, for soon breaths will be cut off and we will hasten to that other world and find each other - then we will grab each other by the collar and it will come to fists and slaps and shouting and pistols.

O faithful servant of the Greatest Name! His Holiness Haydar-Qabli-'Ali broke bread with you, yet you both won while I lost. What justice is this and what fairness? I need an arbiter - O God, whom shall I make my judge? However, since the outcome of this winning and losing became the life of souls, therefore I accepted this penalty with utmost joy, and if there should be any deficiency in settling the account, I shall take responsibility for that as well.

Surely the hosts of God are victorious. As you observe, one person triumphs over two hundred people. In the heavenly Books, they have considered at most one believer equal to ten deniers, as it states in the Qur'an: "If there be of you twenty steadfast they shall overcome two hundred." Now praise be to God, in the Cause of God one person has become victorious over two hundred people. Add one to nine and it becomes ten. Now multiply one by one hundred and ninety-nine so the result becomes clear. I am joking to make you laugh.

Later I met Abdul-Baha at every turn. I was taking pictures of the garden, etc, when He came. He laughed heartily and said: "You steal my house and put it in your camera and you steal my gardens and put them in your camera! And then you take them to America with you! I shall send my lawyer after you!"

Abdu'l-Baha: "See how much we have moved from one place to another. How far New York is from here: Washington, Chicago, Philadelphia, the many places we have visited. And now these ladies have come to invite me to come to California. Now these two have come to insist that we shall go; and letters are coming about it. A letter came yesterday from the Spiritual Assembly, asking how it came that we went to other places and not there. Now Mrs. Hoagg is going to build an aeroplane and take me there. What do you advise? Shall I ride on it?"

Mrs. Hannen: "It would not be very safe."

Abdu'l-Baha: "When I ride on it, it is the Ark of Noah. This aeroplane will become the Ark of Noah." (This was accompanied by an exchange of smiles which showed Abdu'l-Baha's keen sense of humor.)

As we drove up Broadway, glittering with its electric signs, He spoke of them smiling, apparently much amused. Then He told us that Baha'u'llah had loved light. "He could never get enough light. He taught us," the Master said, "to economize in everything else but to use light freely."

I stood there laughing to my heart's content (Here the Beloved laughed also very heartily) at their strange noises, because I had never seen before such a f[u]nny confusi[ng] scene. When the sheep were released from the hands of the shepherds branding them they r[a]n hither and thither like distracted animals and their droll cries were very amusing and comical to the ears of the little child. I laughed so much on that day that tears flowed from my eyes.

At the time we were living in Adrianople we had a woman as our neighbor who was probably 95 or a hundred years old. She had seven sons, who had all been married, and thus she enjoyed the sight of her grandchildren and in the case of her first two or three sons, they had given her great-grandchildren.

… The child was puzzled a little. He looked hard at the small, weakened form of his grandmother, and then at the seven big-shouldered, heavy-set, sturdy men. And was puzzled. Then he jumped from his seat and cried out: 'Great Heaven! How many old children hast thou conceived and brought forth into the world like this?'

'Abdu'l-Baha: Didst thou not hear that I went to America? France in comparison to America is very near.

S.M. Oh! Yes, I have heard about it. what kind of a country is America? Is it as large as Acca?

A.B. (laughter) No, no, not so large. It is just about half as large as Acca.

S.M. I knew it. there could be found no finer and more beautiful city than the one in which I have lived all my life.

A.B. Good man! I just joked with thee. Let us suppose that one thousand countries as big as Syria are put together. If thou canst conceive such a thing possible, then thou wilt have an idea of the bigness of America.

"Once there was a theologian who took a sea trip. While he was walking on the deck and watching the calm sea, the captain passed by and inquired about his health. Our friend was so full of his theology that he asked the captain 'Dost thou know theology?' He answered 'No'. 'Then' our student declared with much pompous dignity 'half of thy life is lost'. The captain did not answer him but continued his walk. Another day the sea became very stormy and the ship was in danger in being wrecked. The captain called on the theologian and found him prostrated with sickness. 'Dost thou know swimming?' he asked. 'No'. 'Then, all thy life is lost.' The captain thundered at him."

"If all the spirits of the air", laughed 'Abdu'l-Baha, "were to congregate together they could not create a salad! Nevertheless the spirit of man is powerful; for the spirit of man can soar in the firmament of knowledge, can discover realities, can confer life, can receive the divine Glad-Tidings. Is not this greater than making a salad?"

Once upon a time Salman called on Abouzar. When the lunch time came around the host brought two loaves of bread and salt. There was nothing else in the house. Salman as though talking to himself said: 'I wish there was a little cheese!'

Abouzar feeling ashamed, went out, sold his only goat, bought the cheese and brought it at the table. The guest helped himself generously and when he was quite satisfied he raised his hands toward heaven and prayed:- 'Blessed are those who are satisfied with every little, and are contented!'

Abouzar feeling the superfluity of such a prayer told to his friend: 'If thou wert really a satisfied and contented fellow I would have now my goat in the house'.

A king once told his minister that eggplant was reported to be bad for one's health.

The minister said, 'Yes, it causes melancholy and is harmful to one's liver and nervous system.'

After some time the king said to the minister, 'I ate some eggplant, and it was very delicious.'

The minister responded, 'Yes, your majesty. It is indeed very good and has many beneficial effects.'

The king said, 'Was it not you who, not long ago, said bad things about eggplant?'

The minister answered, 'Yes, it was I. I happen to be your servant and not the servant of an eggplant.'

One day a man became annoyed with his camel and promised himself that on the following day he would sell it for one shahi (a small monetary unit). This person was a religious man and was always faithful to his promises. The following morning, however, he regretted his promise and wondered what to do. After much thinking, he came up with a trick to save his camel. He tied a cat to the camel's neck and began advertising his camel for one shahi. People gathered around him and everyone wanted to buy the beast for that price. He said, 'Yes, the price of the camel is one shahi but that of the cat is a thousand qurush (a unit much larger than a shahi). Both must be sold together.'

People became disappointed and went away. After a while a customer came to him and said, 'I have heard that you are selling your camel for one shahi.'

The owner replied, 'Yes, here it is; but you must also buy the cat for a thousand qurush.'

The customer, who liked the camel very much, said, 'I will give you one hundred shahi for the camel but you keep the cat.'

The owner of the camel said, 'That is not possible.'

Then the customer sighed a long sigh and said, 'The camel would be one of a kind if that accursed cat were not attached to his neck.'

Once a servant went to a rich man and asked for a position. He had many certificates from his former maters regarding his conduct and manners. 'Sir!' he said 'These letters show you that my masters have been pleased with my services and with these recommendations I have little doubt that you can secure for me a place in your household. But before you engage me I must make you aware of one fault which is imbedded in my character and that is I tell always the truth.'

The rich man who had lost one of his eyes said: 'My friend! This is not a fault but rather a virtue. I am doubly delighted to have in my house at least one servant who never tells a lie but utters the truth.'

The servant replied:- 'I assure you that in my course of truth-telling I have had to overcome much opposition and I have realized to my heavy cost that this is indeed a great fault.'

'No' he answered 'Truth is the thing we need and we must admire the character of those who are the exponents of truth.'

'Have you not heard the saying that 'Truth is bitter'?'

'Goodness[!] This is an obsolete proverb. Truth is sweeter than honey and more precious than the treasures of the Kings.'

'All right. If you look on the subject from this standpoint I am ready to serve you and I hope you will not get angry if I tell you the truth.'

Finally he entered in the service of the rich man and his work was assigned to him. When he entered [the] room next morning to receive his orders for the day he saluted his master. 'Good morning my [one-]eyed master.'

The rich man grew red and rebuked his new servant severely for being so impolite and was going to kick him out of the room. 'O my master!' he cried 'Did I say anything but the truth? Art thou not one-eyed? Did I not tell thee that truth is better?' The rich man was dumbfounded and could not say anything.

There was a man by the name of Mahmud who used to speak ill of people. Once the Blessed Beauty advised him to refrain from gossiping.

He said, 'I am following the example of God. As God has repeatedly mentioned Adam's sin in all the heavenly books, I am doing the same to other people.'

The Blessed Beauty smiled greatly at this reply.

It is related that a Kurd, dressed in a long, heavy fur-coat was standing out in the street, praying. It was summer and the noon hour of an unbearably hot day. Tho men passed by and one said to the other: 'Look, what a wonderfully religious man is this who is praying during this hot hour of the day!' The Kurd hearing this commendation was very pleased and right through his prayer turned to them and said:- 'You do not know, I am fasting too.' (according to the Mohamadan law no one must speak while he prays, otherwise he must renew his prayer.)

While he was in the height of 'smoking', suddenly the door was opened and to his surprise the teacher walked in and a column of smoke escaped into the open air.

When he was face to face with his pupil he began to upbraid and censure him for thus wantonly disobeying the Command of his noble father, intimating that if he came to know about this, he would surely punish him severely. To the amazement of the teacher the pupil did not show any sign of agitation but in calm and dignified manner asked him to be seated and he would present his case to his impartial judgement.

'When our holy prophet' the pupil said 'declared his divine mission to the world all the animate creatures and inanimate objects prostrated before him, obeyed his command and offered to them their allegiance, save this accurse[d] and execrable tobacco. It arose in rebellion against its rightful Lord. It is only for this all-sufficient reason that I am subjecting it to smoke as a just punishment for its diabolic disobedience.'

The teacher listening to this religious explanation exclaimed with evident eagerness[:] If it is so, then let me smoke it too;- so that I may also gain the reward of paradise!

One day a layman went to a Mullah and asked several questions. The Mullah did not answer him. The man told him then "Have you not read in the Koran 'you must not turn away a questioner'?"

The Mullah in turn rejoined:- "hast thou not read also in the same holy book the injunction, 'Give thou not thy possessions to the fool'? Now my possessions are the ideals and knowledge of Truth. I must protect them from the intruders."

This one deceives you. How can you entrust the garden to him? It would be like entrusting meat to a cat. Much was said of this kind. Mulla Abu-Talib was dismissed with that person, and apparently had also given him a set of clothes. When we reached the upper quarters at noon, it became known that the aforementioned person had taken some of the Mulla's and guesthouse's belongings and fled.

The weather was extremely hot. In the afternoon, they rode in a landau to the government house and then to the Austrian consulate. They returned at sunset and summoned the friends. A letter had arrived from Mr. Herrigel. It was translated in their presence, and in connection with it, they mentioned the German believers, saying how good they were since no unsavory rumors had blown there, and God willing, great souls would appear there. The blessed utterance concerned the greatness of the Cause of God, that when it surges forth like a wave, it will submerge all paths and itself rise to great heights.

Gradually the conversation turned to Haji Muhammad Karim Khan, who was versed in various sciences but had also made many mistakes. For instance, when asked about the root of the word "talmidh" (student), he answered that it came from "lamadha, talamadha, talmidh." He also said: "I will mention a clear example to prove the falsity of Westerners' claim that the Earth is in motion - when we throw an orange in the air, it falls in the same place."

Then mention was made of a person named Haji Matlab, who was one of the Shaykhi scholars and often argued with the friends... The Shaykhis, contrary to the Shi'ites, believe that relying on conjecture in matters of faith is forbidden - one must act on certainty, as mentioned in many parts of the Qur'an. One day this person mentioned that he had written a thousand verses about this matter. During an argument, he stated that he believed in the Bab. When asked if he was firm in this belief, he said he had conjecture about it, and they immediately confounded him...

There was Haji Mirza Hasani, very pleasant in conversation, who said neither your conjecture is correct nor that of others, for both are far from truth... A plague on both your conjectures. Everyone burst into laughter.

Haji Murtada has written that however much we studied the books, we could not find the source of the Fourth Pillar except in the book of some Indian person who wrote "The Fourth Pillar is in the impurities..."

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When we were in Bagdad there was a very prominent man who used to come often to see Baha'u'llah. He sat in his Presence with the greatest respect and listened to the utterances of the Blessed Perfection attentively. One day he tried to express his faith and belief in this Cause with all apparent sincerity and devotion. "Yes, my Lord! Yes my Lord" he concluded his talk "I thoroughly believe in this Cause. In the year 1830 one of the great teachers of this Movement passed by our city. I met him and he talked with me for several days which convinced me of the validity of this revelation. From that time on I have been a believer."

Then the Master laughed and said:- This man did not know that the beginning of this Cause was in 1844 and so in order to convince us of the genuineness of his belief he would set the time of his acceptance 14 years before the appearance of the Bab.

He was tall and heavily built, with a thick beard and corpulent frame, and wore an enormous turban. He greeted Us with a guttural voice and, upon being seated, began to recite intricate and incomprehensible Arabic verses. We said to him, "Pray introduce yourself that We might know something of you." He replied, "I am the seal of the ecclesiastics." We responded, "God willing, God willing."

Did you know what I was smiling for? There was a person inside who called me. when I entered he said: 'Two years ago I came to you and exclaimed that you are the chief of all the infidels. Now I want to tell you that you are not an Arch-infidel.--'

Then the Master laughed and said: 'In either case he has not understood.

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During the Dispensation of Mohammed, there lived two poets in Mecca. One composed a great eulogy praising Mohammed; the other wrote a satire. When the two poems were presented to him, he highly praised both, and commended the endeavors of each.

Those who heard him were rather astonished, and did not know what to make of it. They said: 'This man has extolled you, the other has condemned you. How is it that you commend both?'

Mohammed answered; 'Both of these men have reflected their own feelings, and disclosed their inner states.'

Once the French Ambassador at the Sublime Porte satirically asked Foad Pasha the Minister of Foreign Affairs: "How did Mohamad ascend to heaven according to your trustworthy tradition?' Foad Pasha realizing the scoffing tone of the Ambassador, cheerfully volunteered the answer by saying:- With the same ladder that our Lord Christ ascended to heaven after his resurrection.' His Excellency could not say anything. This able answer seemed to silence him, putting him 'hors de combat'.

There was a fanatical Protestant minister that always wanted to argue. One time he came to Me and said, 'Given His large body and girth, with what kind of ladder did Muhammad ascend to heaven?' I responded, 'With the same ladder that Christ used [to reach the heaven].'

It was that venerable personage, Bahjet Jurjus Jamal, a man of crystalline intellect and pure heart, albeit one of fervent Protestant conviction, from whom I sought to purchase the land where the pine trees stood. He did, however, with steadfast resolution decline the transaction, quoting the formidable sum of ten thousand pounds. This hallowed spot he had planted with his own hands and had solemnly enjoined upon his brother that not even a cubit or span of that consecrated ground should be sold to any soul. He would often declare with profound reverence that since Baha'u'llah had walked beneath those stately pines, the place would, in the fullness of time, attain to transcendent significance.

Despite his association with my person -- which provoked vociferous criticism from his co-religionists -- he would respond with the assurance that I would soon receive baptism. When this matter was related to me, I remarked, with a measure of prescient insight, that I would shortly see him circumcised instead. And thus it transpired that he fell ill, and the surgeon decreed circumcision imperative. Notwithstanding his impassioned entreaties, the procedure was performed, confining him to his bed for a period of two months.

Upon his recovery, he manifested evident embarrassment in my presence, though I extended to him every courtesy and kindness. He remained apprehensive of the reproach and derision of his community. On one occasion, I observed him engrossed in a volume and, upon inquiry, he revealed it to be an account of the Prophet's Night Journey. When asked what benefit he derived from such study, he responded with unmistakable sarcasm that he wished to ascertain the manner of the Prophet's ascension to heaven.

I replied with measured deliberation that the matter was of exceeding simplicity, requiring no scholarly investigation, for the Prophet had ascended by the selfsame ladder that Christ had utilized. This exchange transpired in the presence of fifteen distinguished friends and notables, and so intense was his indignation that he nearly rent his garment in vexation.

It is said that once a Mohammedan, a Christian and a Jew were rowing in a boat. Suddenly a tempest arose and the boat was tossed on the crest of the waves and their lives were in danger.

The Mohammedan began to pray: "O God! Drown this infidel of a Christian!" The Christian supplicated the Almighty: "O Father! Send to the bottom of the deep this Moslem!"

They observed the Jew was not offering any prayer, and therefore asked him: "Why do you not pray for relief?" He answered, "I am praying. I am asking the Lord to answer the prayers of both of you!"

One day this Haji Muhammad grabbed hold of a Christian priest's collar to teach him the Faith. During their conversation, he pointed to the cross the priest had hung around his neck and asked, "Reverend priest, what is this that you have hung around your neck?" He replied, "It is the symbol of the cross." Haji asked, "Why have you chosen the cross?" The priest said, "Because Christ's body touched the wooden cross at the time of His martyrdom, so it is sacred."

Haji said, "Why don't you adorn your neck with something that brought comfort and ease to Christ, instead of hanging the symbol of the cross which caused His suffering and martyrdom?" The priest asked, "What thing brought comfort to Christ?" Haji Muhammad said, "The donkey." The priest became agitated and reproachfully said to him, "Where, which donkey?"

Haji said, "What an uninformed priest you are! Haven't you read in the Gospel that Christ sent two of His disciples to a nearby village and instructed them, 'There you will find a young donkey tied up - bring it.' They went and brought the donkey, and Christ rode it with His disciples into Jerusalem. Be fair - isn't that donkey which brought comfort to Christ better than this cross you have hung around your neck?"

The priest became very agitated and, having no response, came to me and complained that Haji Muhammad had spoken thus and insulted him, and requested that I tell my followers to stop teaching priests and stop bothering them.

There was a Bakhtashi who passed by the door of a theological seminary. He saw the attendant is beating a dog most severely. "Why do you beat this dumb dog?" asked the Baktashi. "Because it has entered the seminary and made the place unclean." "But this dog is unintelligent. Look at me! I who am an intelligent man never enter in a seminary, do I?"

As the saying goes from one who attained the presence of his Lord, the honored Qa'im-Maqam: "The glutton mullah who is God's dumpling, like the donkeys of Qarabagh, eats much but runs little - a plague on hay, a blight on barley. Now may God bless their fathers, for they have become a plague on sweets. If they are content with this, they deserve consideration. The only difficulty is that they exemplify 'On the day We will say to Hell, "Are you filled?" and it will say, "Are there any more?"'" Therefore you must occasionally put them in pawn for sweets and pilaf so they remain quiet and silent.

In reality her highness the Cow enjoys this attribute and quality. The Cow is naturally a denier of God, a denier of the Kingdom, a denier of spiritualities and a denier of the heavenly verities. She has attained to these virtues without labor. Therefore she is the philosopher emeritus.

That which is sensible, in the estimation of His Holiness the Cow, is conclusive. Were it thus, His Holiness the Cow would be the supreme philosopher. These philosophers toil for a long time in the schools in order to understand that the sensible thing is conclusive; His Holiness the Cow understandeth it without schooling."

The company laughed. After we came down, one person went forth to speak. They said, "This one is of those philosophers."

One day in Dublin (NH) we were driving with some of the ladies who had attended the meetings at which I spoke on these subjects every day. Suddenly there appeared in the field a herd of cows. The honk-honk of the automobile made them afraid and they began to run away. One of the ladies pointed to them and said: "Look at the philosophers. They are all running away!" Since that time, whenever I think of this incident, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh

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On his return the Master found several people waiting for him. From one he asked from what country he comes? He answered with fervor and too much vehemence: "I am from---'' In order to gently rebuke him and show him this false emotion of patriotism he said the following story:-

"Once upon a time the King of a certain country got hold of an owl and put it in a large golden cage and hanging it in his royal Park which was a mass of luxuriant flowers and tall trees. The King observed that the owl was not happy in this wonderful Park and always laments 'Oh! My country! O my country!' Finally he ordered to let the owl fly out of the cage and he with a number of his retinue, followed the course of the owl's flight. After many hours the owl alighted on the dilapidated wall of a ruined and deserted castle (it is proverbial in the Orient that the owl loves always the destroyed buildings) and screechingly cried out 'Oh how happy am I! At last I reached my beloved country! My abode of rest! My paradise of delight! My heavenly hope is now fulfilled!'"

There are some people who study for dress, work for dress, live for dress, walk for dress, eat for dress; in brief their lives are spent on the dresses, the clothes, the style, fashion and mode. To them the beginning and the end of creation is spelled in one word: "Dress." They believe that God has created them for "Dress."

There was a judge in Acca who spent two hours every morning over his toilet. He would sit before the mirror and painstakingly arrange his vest or coat or brush his hair and at every turn he would look at the mirror. (During these last remarks the Master would show us with his hands how the judge conducted himself during these morning toilets and it was simply side-splitting with laughter) One morning I called on him, not knowing his habit. His servant told me, he will be ready in a little while. I stayed ten minutes twenty minutes, half an hour, one hour. Finally i called the servant and asked him what is the matter? He laughed and said he is making his toilet. I said, I cannot wait any longer. Go tell him to come immediately. When he came I rebuked him severely and told him that if i came in the morning in the future you just put your long overcoat and come out to see me and afterward you go back and make your toilet which injunction he followed literally.

Asking Mirza Mohsen to bring me cup of the same warm milk that he had drunk for his breakfast he laughingly said:-

"Mirza Ahmad is accustomed to the Western way of living. He cannot live like the Arabs. He has a too sensitive nature. He must have a cup of fresh milk."

We all laughed. Then he told us a story to illustrate my case. I knew it is coming:-

One of the oriental Kings going to hunt was unavoidably separated from his army. As he was going along the road, riding on his charger, he saw a man carrying on his back a load of wood, but he was walking lamely. "Why art thou lame?" the King asked. "Because in my foot there is a thorn." The poor man answered. "Why dost thou not take it out?" the King questioned him again. "If I put down my load in order to take out of my foot the thorn, there is no one to help me to put it again on my back." "I will help you," and coming down from his horse he did so. Afterward the King making a few inquiries about this man and finding him quite comme if faut bought him a village and offered to him as a gift. This man now enjoying quite a large income, builds for himself a villa, surrounds himself with royal comfort and luxury, servants and numerous attendants.

Many years roll on and one day the King passing by the village makes up his mind to call on his old friend. He knocks at the door, the servants open it and bring him into the waiting room. The King sais "I desire to see your master." They make obeisance and say: "We are extremely sorry that you cannot see our master today. He is in bed." "Oh" the King said "What has happened to him?" They answer: "Yesterday there was held a festival of the battle of the thornless roses between our master and his friends in the royal Park and as they were throwing at him the petals of roses, his tender body has felt the injury." The King remembering this man with the load on his back and the big thorn in his foot, many years ago, walking painfully along the road, laughed at the changed circumstances and told to one of the servants, "Go and tell your master that so and so is here and desires to see you." The man came out immediately and not knowing what to say he hesitatingly muttered profuse apology that really there was nothing the matter with him but he desired to keep up the dignity of the station conferred upon me by His Imperial Majesty.

Later while walking, he related a humorous story about a Baha'i by the name of Mirza Javad. This gentleman was a very learned and literary personage but he had queer and fantastic habits, besides having a temper that even the angels could not endure him.

"While we were in Baghdad," the Master said, "this Mirza Javad was with us. He had a melancholic and disconsolate disposition; he used to get angry most quickly. It was impossible for any man to associate with him for one day without having a quarrel. His disposition was most bitter and his temper something terrific. With such a person I spent very amicably for eight yrs.

Notwithstanding his knowledge he had many strange beliefs. For example he firmly believed that when he grows very old suddenly he will be rejuvenated and become a youth as handsome as "Joseph", or he believed because the Bab has divided the year into 19 months in the future something will happen to the moon that instead of rising and setting 28 days in the month, it will rise and set only 19 times.

When he got angry, he would be attacked with such facial contortions that were positively most ludicrous. For instance his beard would get crooked, his mustaches one would go up, the other down and his eyes blood shot. Once he came home very angry, cursing himself [roundly]. He was shaking with such white rage that for a long time he could not find the key-hole to open the door. At last I went to his help and asked him what was the matter? He could not answer for a long time. At last he gave out the cause of his anger. It was about some one whom he thought had insulted him - six months before that date - but he had just remembered it.

Often he would boast of his culinary knowledge; so we asked him once to cook something. He bought meat, a great deal of fat and beans. The fat was fried first, then the meat was fried in turn with the fat and the beans thrown in. When he served us, his carelessness had burned it and the beans were as hard as stone. It seemed that during the time of cooking someone had come in and had carried on an argument with him about the change of the future rotations of the moon refuting his theory as fantastic. Naturally he became choleric and forgets all about the food.

When we sat down to eat I did not say anything and continued eating and praising it. He was encouraged, he smiled the smile of approval. But when he started eating, he frowned. He could not eat it himself. He looked at me with amazement. He got up. "I cannot eat this food" he said. "Oh!" I answered "look at how the meat is red and palatable!"

Others always tried to argue with him and refute him. But when he came to me with his theories of moon and rejuvenation I would smile and say:- "Very good! Very good! God willing you will renew your life!

Military rules are far worse than prison rules. These soldiers are in reality prisoners. They are restricted in all their affairs. They cannot deviate one hair's breadth from the prescribed rules. They are circumscribed in their eating, sleeping and walking. They are not at all free. Imagination rules over the world of humanity. These men are prisoners in everything save the name. Because they are called soldiers and are summoned to defend what the demagogues call "Fatherland" they willingly go through all these hardships. If someone tells them that they are prisoners they will not be able to stand it one month.

It is said that a man did not leave his house for many years. His friends often insisted that he should leave the house for one day but they did not succeed. Then some one amongst them said: 'I will do something and he will leave the house most willingly.' The others thought this is quite impossible. 'All right' he said 'wait and see.' Next day he called on the old man. After the preliminary inquiries about his health he said: 'My friend! I am very sorry to impart to you a very sad news. I have just heard that a Firman is received from the Sublime Porte instructing the governor that under no circumstances you must be allowed to leave Syria.' The old man became very agitated and rising from his seat cried indignantly: 'I have done nothing to merit this punishment. I may like to go to Egypt or other places. I will go now and see the governor about it.' And immediately he was out in the street. Then his friends surrounded him and explained to him the joke played upon him...

How ignorant are the people! They are willing to forfeit their possession, honor, wealth, property and even life in the path of their country but unwilling to do any sacrifice in the path of God. The battle-fields of the world have been crimsoned with the blood of millions of soldiers, all to no purpose. Today no one knows their names. But when one soul sacrifices his life in the Path of God his name becomes eternal. Consider how precious it is the blood of the martyrs!...

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The story of you and I resembles the story of an Arab who went about without a hat for three years. In the streets and marketplace, in cold weather or hot, in rain or snow, he was without a head covering. A philanthropist, feeling sorry for him, decided to buy him a turban and so he took the Arab to a shop to buy the fabric. As soon as the salesman brought out the fabric roll to measure the length required, the bareheaded Arab suddenly grabbed the end of the fabric and began to wrap it around his head, without allowing the salesman to cut the proper length.

"Wait, let me measure the material," complained the salesman.

"How long am I supposed to wait? If I wait any longer I will catch my death of cold!" protested the Arab.

He was your namesake (the Master turned to me laughing.).

I had given him the title of "geometrician," because he like to get the first of every thing and in order to gain his aim, he would devise many humorous plans, calculated to make anybody laugh. When he entered a meeting he would look all around and then sit a place where "huble-bubble" would be served first. When the tea was prepared by one of the believers he would go to him in a hurried fashion. "I have a most important affair to attend to. I must go out now. I cannot wait any longer. Please give me one glass of tea."

"When I was in Paris, a wealthy man invited me to a restaurant to have dinner. For his sake I went. For each person's meal they charged one pound. We sat at table. On the bill of fare was a statement saying: 'Do not eat the first courses. The last one is the best.' This person was a Syrian. I began to eat, but he did not. I repeatedly urged him to eat, but he said: 'No.' At the end of the dinner they brought a course which we could not eat at all. The Syrian tasted it and then left it. He became very disappointed. He said: 'I have eaten nothing. Bring me some food.' The waiter said: 'I cannot, it is against the rule.' It was very hard for him. He remained hungry and it had cost him a pound.

I asked for a little sugar but he remonstrated that sugar will utterly spoil the choice dish. He could not understand why I did not like it, because he said: 'This is one of the best delicacies in Afghanistan.' I excused myself from eating but after half an hour the large vase was empty and our friend had a hearty breakfast.

Therefore he goes to Baha'u'llah and pleads saying that during 15 days this man has given me a whole lot of trouble. Every day, every day he asked me to drink tea in the morning and Polou at night! And now he gives me only 30 Dollars!

Baha'u'llah laughed heartily, but the Master did not tell us how He smoothed the ruffled feelings of the Arab.

On one of his trips he came to me and said: 'Sir! I desire to enter into a partnership with you. You invest the capital, I will work and the profit to be divided equally between us. Let our capital be seven piastres and half. With this I shall buy needles and in selling them make a world of profit.' I laughed at his modest demand for such an insignificant capital (about 0.30 cents) and his expectation of making a 'world of profit.'

It is said that at one time a King went out travelling incognito. He put on a humble suite of cloth[es] and started on his way. After a few days journey he lost his way in the scorching desert and finally reached at the door of an Arab tent. The Arab finding the man exhausted from heat and hunger dragged him under the shade. When the King was revived he asked the Arab what he has to eat and drink. "I have a goat-skin of wine and a little goat" the Arab answered. "Very well. Bring the wine and kill the goat to be cooked." he said. The wine was brought. When the King drank one cup he looked at the Arab and said: "Do you know who I am?" "No." "Then you must know that I am a soldier in the King's Army." The Arab was glad to entertain a brave man.

He drank another cup. "Do you know who I am?" "Who are you?" "I am a Minster in the King's Council Chamber." "I am delighted to receive such a distinguished statesman."

A third cup was taken. "Do you know who I am?" "Well?" "I am the King himself."

The Arab could not stand it any longer. He arose from his place and took from him the goat-skin of wine. "Why do you do this?" the guest asked astonished. "Because I believe if you drink another cup you will declare yourself to be the prophet of God and a fifth cup may raise you to the station of God, so it is better for you to cool down a little, to cool down a little."

After their supper the master slept but after an hour he awoke and asked: "Kafour! What art thou doing?" He answered: "I am meditating.' 'On what art [thou] meditating?' 'I am meditating on the subject of 'Why God has fashioned the edges of these thistles so sharp and cutting?' 'Very good.' the master chuckled to himself as he drew his head under the blanket 'continue to meditate. This is a good subject.'

She was informed that a visitor had come and was sitting in the guestroom. Thinking that this was the same Mirza 'Ali-Akbar Khan Nuri, she had taken a lantern and quickly entered the room only to find a homely and sickly-looking man sitting there. With both hands she had hit him in the head such that his hat was torn, and loudly she had cried, "Is this you Mirza 'Ali-Akbar Khan Nuri? Is it really you Mirza 'Ali-Akbar? How despicable you look, Mirza 'Ali-Akbar!"

"What is that, then?" asked 'Abdu'l-Baha.

"They mix wine and whisky and say, we are drinking 'wineky'!"

Suddenly His laughter rang out, His tearful eyes looked heavenward, and with a smile He said, "We, too, as the Khan says, drink wineky, drink wineky!"

There was an important man in Acca who had many cases pending in the Court; but the Judge postponed the settlement of his affairs from day to day. Oh yes! he was courteous and polite, always received this gentleman with smiles and lots of "East wind" compliments and ordered rich coffee to be brought for him but none of his cases were brought up to be settled. This man was not a native of Acca and thus the days grew wearisome on him. He wanted to return to his home but the judge kept him there apparently for no good reason whatever.

One day, by chance a friend of his told him that the Judge has heard that he possesses a wonderful Arabian charger and has expressed a desire to see it. This off hand remark put a clever idea into his head and after thinking over it for a time he came to the conclusion that he would put it into practice. Early next morning he called on the Judge and in the course of conversation told him that he has a very mettlesome Arabian steed and desires to offer it as a present to his honor, not exactly as an inducement to further his affairs speedily; God forbid but as a token of warm friendship and gratitude. The Judge taking up the cue was all obliging sweetness and could not show enough of his expansive smile and ready willingness to put aside all the important matters of state and attend to the immediate consideration of the cases of his "best friend." "I have already written to my son" the man readily declared "to send the steed so that I may [present] it to you myself while I am here."

On that very day one of his cases were decided by the Judge in his favor. A few days passed and the Judge asked his friend whether he has heard anything about the steed. "O yes! today I had a telegram from my son. Considering the priceless value of the steed, he has made up his mind to bring it himself and he has already arrived in Damascus." This intelligence gave the Judge the ground and one more case passed the labyrinthine mazes of the Court.

A few days more rolled by and the man showed his face in the Court. The Judge hailed him:- "Have you had any news from your son and the horse?" "Your honor! I know you are more anxious about the horse than my son but I can assure you that a telegram reached me last night giving the news of their safe arrival in Tiberias and for this reason I called this morning to give you the good news." The Judge beca[me] so excited over this happy news that the third case passed the court without any hitch or difficulty.

About a week more passed and the man brought the further news that the horse has arrived at Nazareth. This news gave him naturally a good pretext to press the Judge to consider his fourth case which was done to his entire satisfaction. Another recourse to this ruse left one more unimportant case to be decided upon in his favor and the man made up his mind to call on the Judge and see whether he can, before leaving the town, settle his last case.

No sooner was he ushered into the room than the Judge arose from his seat and said in an affable voice: " Now my friend! take it, this paper contains the decision of your very last case. I hope you have good news from your son?" The man put on his face an expression of great sorrow and pain and looked as though he was on the verge of breakdown. "Your honor" he at last tried to find suitable words to give vent to his apparently genuine grief. "I do not know how to thank you for all your manifest kindness but yesterday I received a sad letter from my son who has arrived in Abou Senan to the effect that he has brought the horse safely to that town but the noble steed (and he began to shed tears and sob) was attacked suddenly with the dangerous malady "Maloun" -Accursed - in the middle of the night and was dead after half an hour. O your honor! Oh your honor! You cannot realize what a wonderful horse it was! By day and by night it was my faithful companion. O my noble dumb friend! thou who saved me from many dangers and bore me out a victor in many a hard-fought contest, where art thou? Why didst thou leave me? and what can I say to thy new master?"

Working on his own emotions he really imagined that the horse is dead and he cried and wept as one stricken with real sorrow. The judge looking at this passionate outburst was stupefied and instead of piercing through this show lamentation and rebuking him for his perfidy, found himself consoling him. When to all appearances the man was calmed he left the house of the Judge and then and there departed from Acca, while thanking the Almighty for thus coming to his rescue and settling all his affairs in such a satisfactory manner. When the Judge found out the fact of the matter he could not divulge it to anyone.

One of the Kings of Persia once got sick. This King was very proud and despotic. All the people at the court feared him and cowered before him. The King sent for the Court physician to treat him. When the physician arrived and prescribed a large dose of quinine the King in his wrath cried out:- Who should take this medicine?

The physician fearing the anger of the King said:- "I am the one to take the quinine." "All right," the King said and he ordered his chamberlain to bring the largest dose of quinine and made his physician to take it.

"There is a Persian story of a thief who, in order to rob a certain house, went to work to undermine the foundation. The owner of the house happened to be on the roof and looking down discovered the thief and asked what he was doing. The man replied, 'I am trumpeting.' 'Trumpeting!' exclaimed the owner, 'Why, you are not making any noise.' 'Oh no,' answered the thief, 'you will hear the noise tomorrow!"

He remarked,

A cloth-seller had bought a few rolls of fabric in Baghdad and was taking them back to his home town to sell. It so happened that along the way he ran into thieves. They took his cloths and using spears, cut and distributed them among themselves. However, there was not enough cloth for every thief to receive a share, so they begun to beat the merchant. As they were beating him, they would complain, 'Why did you not bring enough?' He responded, 'By God, I did not know that so many customers would be so readily at hand, otherwise I would have brought more.'

There was once a Jewish merchant in Constantinople who bought many bobs of drapery and wursted goods to be shipped to Persia for sale. Each bale was of a different color - red, yellow, green, black etc. While he was travelling from one Caravanserai to another, the Kurdish robbers attacked him, made him a prisoner and carried away all his goods.

When they reached the middle of a desert they alighted from their horses and talked together about the division of the spoil. All the Kurds loved the red color and thus after much discussion they hit on the idea of measuring the bale of the red drapery with a spear;- so that each person may receive an equal share.

After a while they found out that the bale of the red drapery will not be enough to go all around;- so they fell on the poor Jew and started to abuse and beat him. "Why didst thou not get all the bales red?" they furiously asked him. "Oh my brothers!" he pleaded with tears in his eyes. "I did not know I will be fortunate to have such customers with cash on the spot, otherwise I would have surely done what you have required."

During the first year of our arrival in Bagdad one day Mirza Javad asked me to go out with him to an outlying district. At this time, Arabian robbers frequented the roads and no one dared to go out of the town. In the morning we two started to walk to that district. Having spent part of the day there toward the evening we started to return. However, before leaving Bagdad Mirza Javad took with himself for precaution's sake, an old rifle he had for many years.

As we were walking back toward the city we spied in the far off horizon several horsemen coming towards us. Seeing us all alone, they galloped toward our left and right and back so that we may not fly away and in front of us three men appeared with rifles in their hands. Mirza Javad looked around and was much agitated. He got hold of his rifle but to his further confusion he realized that he has with himself neither powder nor cartridges so his rifle was more useless than a piece of stick.

Then I told him take your rifle in your hand, keeping it in a position as though you are going to aim at them. Don't heed them at all. Don't look at them. Walk straight. Laugh and speak with me. The three men ahead of us cried out "down with your rifle" Mirza Javad did not give any attention to them. They were amazed at our audacity! "Down with your arm." They cried all at once. No result. They were [cowered] and paced back a few steps. In this way we walked and laughed and talked till we reached the gate of the city and all the time our "friends" going backward.

When the horsemen saw the futility of their pursuit they spied another pedestrian on the road and galloped toward him. This man seeing us coming with rifle in hand hastened toward us and cried for protection from the robbers. Meanwhile the gate was opened and our "friends" realized the hopelessness of their case hide back to darkness. We did not have anything on ourselves but the other man had some money and was grateful to us because we saved him. Addressing Mirza Javad he said:- "I am glad you did not kill them. The way you took your rifle in your hands I thought every moment you will shoot at them." [Here the Master had a hearty laugh and added:] "And all this time our rifle was empty."

In those days there was a rumor abroad that the road was infested with brigands and highwaymen and the men composing the Caravan were ready to believe any hearsay. Suddenly a voice was heard from some unknown quarter ;the robbers, the robbers have appeared. Look, look: they are to be seen in the far off horizon riding at a gallop and they are coming nearer and nearer.' This started a panic and the members of the splendid Caravan began to run about like wild rabbits hither and thither but being in the center of a plain there was no way to escape.

There were three persons who started to journey together. One was from the province of Tabriz, the other from the province of Esphahan and the third came from the province of Kashan. On their way they were discussing the probability of being attacked by highwaymen.

The man from Tabriz said if we are attacked by the robbers I will unsheathe my sword and kill as many as I can. The man from Esphahan said "I will make a big bluff; if you kill four, I will brandish my sword and cry out, "why I am going to put an end to them by killing ten.'" The man from Khashan said I will open the baggage, spread the table and eat."

It so happened that they were attacked. The Tabrizi killed four, the Esphahani commenced a big demonstration and the Kashani was eating. The robbers seeing this, reasoned amongst themselves:- If the first man has killed four of us, the second man will be more terrible, for he is crying that he will kill every one, and what [will] the third man do when he has finished eating[?] He will certainly be dreadful foe. Let us take to our heels.

The inhabitants of one of the provinces of Persia desired to get free from the onerous burden of Military Conscription which was laid upon them by new laws put in force by the then Minister of war. One amongst them said I will do something so that the whole province become exempt from this law.

It has been reported many years ago that a young Moslem fell desperately in love with a beautiful Jewish girl. Of course it is forbidden in the laws of Moses to intermarry with strangers - so all his attempts to reach the girl proved abortive. Finally, in an accidental manner he stumbled over this legend and evolved a way to accomplish his aim.

He hired a boat and on a dark and stormy night when hardly anything could be seen he sailed far away. When it was about nine or ten o'clock he lighted a lamp and made for the shore. He raised the sails which were of snowy white stuff. Many credulous Jews seeing in the far off a dim solitary light and the faint outline of a white sail rushed toward the shore and watched eagerly its slow approach.

Before reaching the shore, suddenly the boat stopped and the Jews heard a tremulous yet distinct voice:- 'I am the Angel of the Lord! I have brought for you good tidings of deliverance! Rejoice and be of good courage! Thus said the Lord of Host, the Lord who delivered you out of the tyranny of Pharaohs, brought you out of Egypt and gave you the land flowing with milk and honey; the God of your fathers Abraham, Jacob, Isaac and Joseph. So and so has a virgin daughter. She is indeed comely and of a good Countenance. Therein a young man of the Lord of such and such. He has found grace in the sight of the Lord. Let these two, servant and maidservant, enter into the bond of matrimony. Unto them a son will be born who will be your promised Messiah. This is the command of your Lord! Beware lest you disobey the order of your God and be of those who are stiff necked. This is the Covenant of the Lord with you.'

Then bringing down the white sail and extinguishing the light, like the last glimmer of sunset, the boat vanished into the dark, stormy night. The next day the lover and the loved one were united in happy wedlock.

Now this morning we have heard that the Shah is dead and knowing well the disturbed condition of the country, we have arrested the[se] men, placed halters around their necks, have led them into the stable, tied them before the manger filled with fodder and have been beating them with their own whips to eat the straw and barley. I asked them to take me to the stable to see these miserable fellows. It was a very ludicrous an[d] laughable sight!

But what use was it, when upon arrival, he immediately went with your mother and brother to visit Mahmud's grave. As soon as they met the deceived sister, she served them a rich and sweet slap, and the oppressed leaf handmaiden of Baha, your mother, and the young brother received a full course of slaps, beatings, blows and strikes. Bon appétit! You missed quite a colorful spread - sweet delicacies, shelled pistachios and salted almonds.

And afterward, to aid digestion, false accusations were also raised against them - that they had raised hands in aggression and cried out in tyranny and self-pride.

When we left Bagdad a Darvish came to me and begged to be a member of the party. I told him the trip will be most difficult. He was willing to accept all manners of hardships. He came with us as far as Constantinople and when we left for Adrianople he stayed behind. After a while he joined us. Having been accustomed with our association he could not live alone.

In Adrianople he rented a room in an adjoining Mosque with another friend and for sometime they lived together peacefully. One day the Darvish came to Baha'u'llah saying that "my friend this morning attacked me furiously and gave me a sound beating, but I did not say anything. I was in the state of the utmost resignation. After half an hour he returned, kissed my hands and said 'Verily you have attained the stage of great merit, you are now a saint.'"

Baha'u'llah listening with interest to this story said laughing:- 'If he beats you another time and you demonstrate such resignation he may believe that you have attained to the station of Prophethood.'

"One man slapped another on the face. When the man who had received the slap made a move to retaliate, the other reminded him of the precept concerning the turning of the left cheek after one has been smitten on the right. 'So you must let me slap you again,' said the aggressor. He allowed the surly one to do so. Next day, the same two men met, and the surly man struck the other on the right cheek once more. 'Now let me have your left cheek,' said the assailant. The blow was received, and the injured man quietly went his way. On the third day the two met again, but by this time the man who had been smitten, thinking he had pretty well carried out both the letter and the spirit of his Master, said to the aggressor: 'Now, my friend, it's your turn to carry out the holy precept.' And so he went for him and gave him a good sound thrashing.

"So you see," said 'Abdu'l-Baha laughing heartily, "there must be reciprocity in carrying out a policy of peace and good-will. As with individuals, the nations must live up to the spirit of amity.

There was once a Persian Baha'i who was very hospitable and always entertained new arrivals in his home. Although he was poor and did not have much yet everything he gained he spent over entertainment. But he had only one guest-chamber.

One day a man calls on him under the name of Baha'i. He receives him with open arms. This man stays in the house for one week, two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. He never goes out. The host somehow finds out that his guest is not really a Baha'i, otherwise he would not while away his time lazily, Baha'u'llah having commanded every one to work.

Finally one morning he goes to him and tells him that he has stayed long enough, that he likes to entertain other guests; if he likes to work, he will find for him, if he desires to leave the city, he will have money for his journey. "No, I do not want to do anything of the kind. But I will tell you a secret. The Holy Spirit has inspired my heart to stay in your home."

The poor man did not say anything and left the house. In the evening he returned with a big stick and went for the man. "Oh for God's sake, what are you doing!" the guest pleaded. "Just half an hour ago, the Holy Spirit inspired me to go and get this big stick and drive you out of my house. There is no use for pleading. I must obey the command of the Holy Spirit." The man had to leave the house.

There were several children amongst them myself. We would hide ourselves and watch Mobarek going toward the sunshine and lie down. His trembling was so violent that even the fur coat was trembling. Then quietly on tip-toe we would approach him and one by one sit on him. When my turn came and I sat on him he had such a violent fit that down I came.

Five minutes passed, no movement, ten, fifteen minutes, half an hour, no sign of life. The minutes grew heavy and strained. They looked at each other with wonder in their eyes. Then with another laughter and motion of the arms left the room and gathered around the mat. One of them on tip-toe neared and cautiously took away the mat. Wonder of wonder! the man was dead! Then these men carried him on their shoulders with laughter and singing, took him to the undertaker with laughter, washed his body while laughing and buried him under the earth with the roar and thunder of laughter. It was a most phenomenal event!

When we were living in Adrianople there was a Bahktashi who lived close by to us. Professionally he was a wood-chopper, socially he was a wit. Once he got severely sick and was on the eve of departure from this world. Becoming acquinted with this fact I called on him.

He was lying on a low, uncomfortable cot and his old wife sitting beside it with the marks of solicitude and care on her wrinkled face. Suddenly she started to speak addressing her husband: 'Thou art going to get well real soon. This sickness shall pass away soon and thou wilt be strong. Oh! my beloved! I am praying to Allah for thy speedy recovery. May Allah hear my prayers!'

The sick man as though pulling himself out of a heavy drowsiness half opened his eyes and said: 'What can I do even if I get well! I am tired of this world and I want to leave it my dear! Oh! I am so weary, so weary' and he closed his eyes.

The wife with much agitation in her mien declared:- Oh no, no! May Allah never bring that black day! My darling! Thou wilt gain back thy health! Together we will go into the garden and thee eat all kinds of fruits. Hand in hand we will walk through the woods and listen to the songs of the birds! Yes, yes, I will nurse thee with the apple of my eyes.'

The sick man without opening his eyes, and seemingly with much struggle answered her back. 'Oh my wife! Be silent! Nothing shall happen if I get well. Only this: I have to chop ten or twenty or thirty more loads of woods. That's all. Have I not cut enough wood? Oh! Let me die!'

In this world we are all more or less wood-choppers. If we are attacked with a sickness and survive it we have to work a little more, to chop a few more loads of woods and the world will go on perennially.

Thy example is like unto the ant who scaled a high, old poplar tree and once reaching on its top, it tried to shake the tree and uproot it. The poplar tree laughed at the ant and said: Dost thou not know that I have experienced many storms, gales, hurricanes and wild tempestuous nights! and now thou little ant hast come to shake and uproot me! Vain is thy thought!

One remembers an anecdote from a lecture by Ruhiyyih Khanum, about a Christian woman named Lydia who came time and again complaining about her husband to 'Abdu'l-Baha. One day He said to her, 'Lydia, Lydia, you cannot put up with this one man, and I have to put up with the whole human race.'

One day Baha'u'llah was walking beside the bank of Euphrates in Baghdad. One of the learned men of that city who had never seen Baha'u'llah passed and was greatly impressed by his majestic bearing and divine Face. He came to him with great reverence and humility and asked:- 'Sir! Which country do you come from?'

'I come from the country of Baha.'

The man was puzzled. 'In which part of the world is it situated?' he hesitatingly inquired.

'It is in the Eastern direction.'

'What temperature?' the man asked.

'Always moderate.'

'What kind of a country is it?' he interrogated with evident curiosity.

'It is a most marvelous country; its inhabitants are angelic; its spring is for all the four seasons; its trees are always green; its fruits luscious; its flowers imperishable and of many hues; its roses ever spreading sweet fragrances; its meadows are perennially luxuriantly verdant; its sun has no setting, its stars always shining, its moon is ever full; its denizens enjoy eternal youth; its gardens are always abloom; its sweet-singing birds ever melodiously warbling; its wine imparting everlasting exhilaration and its bounties and blessings limitless.'

'Sir!' he gasped with astonishment, 'I have never heard of such a country. It is not on the map.'

'Well!' Baha'u'llah answered 'you may find it on another map.'

'But how can one reach there?'

'The guide to that country is One. If you follow him you shall enter the portals of that country.' The Blessed Perflection answered him and passed by.